I remember one time in my life i had it and it was good. Idk as i grew up its started to fade n now i barely feel it just here n there. If u haven't figure out wht it is yet its happiness n the love tht comes with it. I remember my childhood n it was generally happy n full of love from many ppl i had in my life but now its so hard for me to feel that way. i kno ppl have tougher things their goin thur in their lives n for sum ppl close to me i see it first had but y cant i feel happy with mine. everytime i'm close to being happy somethign happens n its fades off like a bubble into the sky. Its really hard to distance myself from the drama n bullshit because alot of it has to do with my family n all the issues we have separately n as a unit. Like i've been a bet bumpy with my life recently but i had manage to stay pretty ok with everythign i was pretty happy because i was busy again n i had school n especially since my birthday is coming up but then my sis has a lapse into her depression n everythign is down hill form there. I tried to help her but she doesnt want it n then my mom n dad start to bicker about it n how to deal with it n tht just brings a tension into my house n i cant get away because i cant just leave my house n oh i wish i could but i cant right now. So i just deal even though i get angry, resentful n sad about the situation n especially so close to a day tht is supposed to celebrate my 21st birthday...which now i have no clue wht will happen the day of n where i will be in all this.i'm just tired of all this n i want to be happy n find someone to be with n no one wants to be around iin all this chaos i dont even want to...For now i'm just trying to live n wait to graduate n be able to leave this drama even a bit when i have my own place.
0 comments:
Post a Comment